Talking About Beauty With Kids

Talking to kids is difficult, right?

As feminists, as progressives, we want to help kids understand the world in a way that grounds them, that gives them a context to the beauty all around them. Many of us want to simultaneously introduce children to the potential and joy of the world while also helping them grapple with the systems at play, the privilege and prejudice that swarms all around, and the too-prevalent ugliness of people mistreating each other.

This desire to show so many things to our children results in some tough decisions, as Professor Hugo Schwyzyer (remember the whole Good Men Project kerfluffle?) notes in an article from Jezebel about how to talk to kids about beauty. Professor Schwyzer concludes that compliments on all facets of someone are best, so we don’t trivialize qualities and interests by omission. As one commenter adds, compliments about effort and work are probably ultimately more progressive and help create healthier thought processes in our kids (“you worked really hard on that project, you should be proud of that” as opposed to “you’re smart”).

I don’t pretend to be a parent of any kind—I have zero kids, although I think I’ll want a family eventually—but here’s what this non-parent thinks. If I have a daughter, I’ll want to give her all kinds of compliments: compliments about her appearance, about what she’s interested in, about her school, her work, her athletics, her everything. Hell, to ridiculously quote “Smallville,” I hope I’ll be proud of her every day for just waking up in the morning.

I’ll need her to know that I support her and everything she is and does. I’ll also need to communicate to her that the world around her is getting better, but that we’ve still got a ways to go. That she’s definitely beautiful, but we’re also in a world that tells all people, but especially women and girls, that “beautiful” means something very, very specific. That her dreams are infinitely attainable, even though there may be obstacles along the way.

All I’m saying is that talking to kids is a huge responsibility, and there’s no easy answer to the question of “What should and shouldn’t we say to children?” But that answer has to begin with affirming and empowering them. And that’s something that we can all do.

(via Molly Heinsler)